Depression

[julie]

Living in Michigan, you can tell the difference in the mood of people at the first sign of spring. The energy alone that the sun brings out in others; kids outdoors; neighbors taking walks, just enjoying themselves. Why can't I feel that same way??? What is wrong with me? Could it be that it was the same time of year that I was so sick I nearly lost my life to Lupus that it brings back all the memories I relive each year? I know the sun is not my friend and unlike others, I enjoy the cloudy days over the sunny ones. I am feeling bouts of depression and although i am on medication, which i have been on since my last flare in 2004, i still feel a bit helpless. I try my best to put on a 'face' for my son so he doesn't see my flaws, but it becomes more and more difficult. I don't feel like i have much support... from the one i need it from the most.

[Sunshine]

Hello, Julie you are not alone in this. We all understand what you are going through. Everytime the season change, my body change, it carry me through so many changes. I get very depressed when the season change, because my body aches so much. I have to go to the hospital alot. At times I am in the hospital more than I am home. Like right now it is spring and soon it will be summer, the time when I am very depressed because I can not be in the hot sun.

[Kelly]

Hey....I understand your issues, but winter is my worst time of year. I'm all achey and I get really depressed. With all the colds and flu going around I stay really sick. Its a relief (even if i can't be in the sun much) when spring roles around and I wake up in the morning to hear the birds singing. Spring makes me remember that things change. It makes me feel like I can get threw anything because I got threw a long cold winter. The bad times in our lives are like winters. They seem like they will never pass and things will never get any better, but sooner or later spring has to come around. It may not help you any, but it helps me to look at it like that. I wish I could help you and make all the bad memories go away, but all I can say is maybe one day they will fade as you replace them with happy memories. The closest I ever came to the unmentionable D word was when I had my first daughter. I wasn't completely out of the woods for 6 months. I resented her for a long time, because even holding her reminded me of how close I came to it. You say when you have kids you'd die for them, but I wasn't prepared to do it bringing her into this world.....I felt like a horrible mother for a long time, because I resented her. Sometimes you just have feelings or reactions to things you can't control. Anyway, before I write a book in response to your blog....I hope this helps you some.

[Butterfly Kimberly]

Hi Julie, nothing is "wrong" with you! I'm sure there are so many of us that feel the same way. A lot of us can't be in the sun. Some can.....I don't see how, but they can. We are all like snowflakes, not one of us is the same! We are all here for you, don't ever forget that! BLOGS are great for venting, and that is exactly what this site is for, venting, support, questions, etc. As soon as our MESSAGING address book is back to normal (from NING), I will be sending out to everyone, to make sure that they every now and then take a look to the left side of the MAIN page to see other members BLOGS. I am noticing that some are going un-noticed. If you feel like it, you can BLOG AND POST A FORUM with the same words from your BLOG. I think the FORUMS seem to get the most attention. I just want you to know you are NOT alone! I'll be in touch....and I hope things are going okay for you lately. HUGS~Kimberly